Two Are Better Than One

Today’s guest blogger is my colleague, KG.  Makes me glad we don’t have any single children in our family tree!

NOTE: To all of the only children out there who take offense to what you’re about to read, my apologies. It is entirely possible that even though you were (and probably still are) the sole focus of your parents’ existence and never had siblings to teach you social norms or sharing, you may still be a totally well-adjusted, non-self centered human being. But I doubt it.

Should I ever have a baby, I’m not stopping at one. If nature won’t allow a second kid, I’m adopting immediately. I used to think those studies they brought up in Psych 101 about only children being vastly different from children with siblings were crap. Let me tell you, they were not.

I have had two incidents this week with two grown only children that have solidified my belief that only children were done a tremendous disservice by their parents. It’s not their fault necessarily that they believe EVERYTHING is about them. They’re products of their environments. If the last chocolate cookie always went to you, if the hallway was a photo shrine devoted to only your youth, if you got to watch your favorite shows on TV every night without interruption, why wouldn’t you think the earth revolved around your shinning face?

First off, an old friend who I’ve known for 12 years and I have had falling out of sorts recently. My mother had cancer this year, and, for obvious reasons, I wasn’t as readily available socially as I once was. She called once a few months back to, amongst other things, inquire about my Mom’s health. I, being preoccupied at the moment, didn’t call back. She never called again. To be honest, I didn’t really care, I know people get busy and it’s not her responsibility to call me 40 times to find out how my Mom is doing. Flash forward to a few nights ago. She calls to tell me that I have “hurt her” because I didn’t keep her in the loop on my feelings about my Mom’s situation. Riiiiiight. So this is all about you. Ok.

My boyfriend couldn’t understand why I didn’t lay into her, telling her she was insensitive to even put the focus on herself. I told him there wasn’t a point. She’s a functioning adult – if she doesn’t see that this scenario has nothing to do with her, she never will. I apologized for having “hurt her” and assured her that my actions were never intended to harm. We exchanged mild banter and hung up. Classic only child behavior, folks. Me, me, me.

My second example is my roommate (whom you may remember from my Three’s Company blog). She is the poster child for only children. Last night, I was supposed to come home and watch a TV show with her. Mid-day, another friend of mine and I decided to do something else. So I, told her I’d catch the program next week. I admit it wasn’t lovely of me to cancel, but it’s FOX television…not her wedding. There’s DVR, life moves on.  I return from my engagement last night to find her rip-roaring drunk. She’s drank a bottle of wine, smoked a pack of cigarettes and is hell-bent on telling me what she thinks of my friends, my clothes, my boyfriend, etc. She’s not normally so hostile…she’s just pouting. Why? Because she didn’t get her way. Simple as that.

So my advice, dear readers, is this:  If you’re thinking of procreating, adopting or otherwise acquiring a youngin’, be kind to your offspring and make it a double. Your children, and the world, will thank you.

Published on: Nov 12, 2006