Warm Cockles

The children, when they are there, hide behind the mystical and secret doors to their rooms.  Adults are not welcome.  It is a rare sight to see one of them expose themselves by venturing out into other areas of the house, unless a meal is involved.   Occasionally, if I do sit down in the evening to catch something on TV, one or the other may drop by the couch, sit with me for a minute, and just kind of lean towards me, without touching me.  I’m thinking this must be the teenage version of a hug. 

The general teen attitude is one of embarrassment to be seen with me, epic eye rolls of disdain if I do anything remotely unparent-like and goofy, and delivering a vacant gaze when I speak to them or dare ask them a question.  My mother tells me this will pass in about 12 more years.

My trip out of town this weekend met with a surprising reaction.  Neither of them were thrilled—I was told that only they should go away, I should never be gone.  I thought they’d be ecstatic to be rid of the one who told them to turn off the TV, clean their rooms, do their chores, and go to bed.  When I called them several times over the two days, they actually seemed engaged in our conversation.  I was told they loved me and missed me.  When I got home, Em actually raced out to hug me and welcome me home.  J-Man gave me his version of a hug by stoically poking me repeatedly in the shoulder with his finger. 

I think of this because my good friend Red Hog was told by his youngest and final child, who entered the first grade this year, that Red Hog was no longer allowed to kiss his son goodbye as he dropped him off for school, because, his son, at the ripe old age of 6, said he was “too old” for such things. 

Being a hugging, kissing, “I love you” telling mom, I felt his pain.  But, as his son goes through the stages the littlest ones in this family have gone through, I can tell him, that just when you least expect it, they let you know in their own way that they know your kiss and hug is always there if they need it and are counting on it to be there.

The young always have the same problem - how to rebel and conform at the same time.  They have now solved this by defying their parents and copying one another.  ~Quentin Crisp

Published on: Aug 29, 2006