Gone With The Wind

Two miracles of modern technology were used today, with mixed result.  The first was the cool Razr phone with Bluetooth.  After a million years of wrestling the browser to download some tunes to assign to various callers, I spent about a year figuring out how to voice activate the phone.  I called my mom.  I told her how cool it was.  J-Man came out to tell me my old phone, now his, had the same thing, and he’d figured it out immediately.  Neener, neener.  Brat.

Then, I borrowed my sister’s leaf blower.  I have a mulching mower, given to me after moving, by my boss, but it has a giant hole in the bag.  His fix-it solution of duct-tape had little impact.  That’s a whole different topic—why men think duct-tape is the be-all-end-all in home repair when they haven’t got a freakin’ clue how to fix something.  Anyway, I digress.  So, I’m blowing the leaf blower and the leaves are going everywhere—forward, backward, up in the air 10 feet, sideways.  I worked for about an hour trying to tame the wild, bucking blower, but, I still have a freakin’ great mess out in the front to deal with. 

I spoke to my sister this evening about this, hoping she had the solution.  She said that she watched our father use hers last summer and it seemed to be a breeze, but she too, ended up with leaves everywhere but where she wanted them.  Her handyman, who used to handle it for her until he met another woman to handy for, also seemed to have it down.  Both rolled their eyes and told her just how easy it was.  Basically, just aim.  We've decided it must be some skill only known to men--like peeing in the urinal--it's all about the aim.

So, I still have a leaf issue. I guess that’s why teenagers exist.  “Minions, off to the leaf pile with you, here are your weapons—rakes—and do not return until a neat pile is prepared for me—forsooth, and Godspeed.”  Yeah, that should work. 

And, why exactly do Sacramentans think they have a God-given right to have large piles of leaves and other yard waste pile up on the street?  Folks new to town marvel how we put up with the piles, which block parking spots (often a rare commodity) and otherwise seem to cause more nuisance than help.   For those of you not in Sacramento, what this means is instead of loading organics into the yard waste bin or into pre-paid yard waste bags, we just drag it all out to the street, put it in a pile, and once in a while, the “claw” tractor comes and scoops it up, taking it away.   It’s a mystery as to how this occurred or why it’s not changed, but it’s one that I’ve at least learned what happened the last time someone tried to change the policy—it was 1988—nearly 20 years ago, and Measure F lost by a landslide.  We also don’t have metered water, but that’s about to change—perhaps it’s time to look at the yard waste issue again too, huh, Mayor Fargo?  Well, instead of taking junkets to Japan or whatever with your new security team.  Hope you find a way to be out of town when we all vote to defeat your utterly ridiculous new arena plan too. 

 

 Time for a wind-down glass of wine, I’m thinking.

 

I'm going to stop punishing my children by saying, "Never mind! I'll do it myself." ~Erma Bombeck

Published on: Nov 5, 2006