I've had a lot of things to do the last two days, thanks to the severely disturbed person who violated my home. So, for your viewing pleasure, I offer you SPO, the angry, White professional!
And Justice For ? Call it what you want: sour grapes; sour apples; sour (insert food item here), but I just don’t understand our justice system.
For the record, I am a 35-year-old tall-dorky-looking White guy with two small kids. I drive what can only be described as family truckster meets affordability and reliability. (This will matter later).
I pay my taxes on time and (what seems to be yearly) take part in my civic duty of watching paint dry for 8 hours (read: jury duty).
Until two years ago, I have never received a speeding ticket. That streak of luck was completely blown out of the water when I got two tickets on two consecutive days. (Yes, you read that correctly.) So, OK, I get it, it happens to the best of us. After my donation to the CHP’s “second home in Tahoe” fund as well as a healthy contribution to the fine folks at Sierra Nevada Brewery, I figured it was out of my system. Well, so much for that state school college degree.
It was about 2 months ago. I was driving said truckster home from work, belting out my version of Sweet Caroline (yes, you know you all love it), when I was nearly sideswiped by a urban assault vehicle (read: bigger then ever needed in this lifetime SUV). Thinking it was someone who was distracted while looking for the paperwork to sign me to a singing contract, I continued down the road (“good times never seemed so….”), when it dawned on me that this person was completely drunk. I watched (and followed) in awe as he swerved in and out of traffic, nearly hitting parked cars and a pedestrian at one point. I called 911 to report what I was witnessing. I felt like Erik Estrada from ChiPS. “Yes, the perp. is now proceeding east on XXX road.” The dispatcher then instructed me to call back if I witnessed any more erratic behavior and that they will alert “someone in the area.” Witnessed any more erratic behavior? Are you serious? I continued to follow the “perp” and watched him lurch 3 lanes into (drum roll please) a bar parking lot. I made a U-turn into the same parking lot just in time to watch this “Arthur” wannabe relieving himself in the parking lot. He then got into his USV and drove over the curb, into a planter box, sat there for a bit… reversed and decided to park for good. Another call to 911. “I’m sorry sir, we cannot do anything unless we witness it, but call us back if he gets back onto the road.” My only thought was, “Hi, CHP, well I’m calling back, and yes there was some more erratic behavior, this guys just mowed down some innocent people, but you didn’t see it, so I guess you can’t do anything about it.”
Why does any of this matter?
Well, fast-forward about a month. I was driving my normal route to work, coffee in hand, listening to the latest world events when I looked up and saw (you guessed it) my favorite friends from the CHP in MY rearview mirror.
I pulled over. I sat there with my hands at 10 & 2 just like I was taught in driver’s ed., rolled down the window to be greeted with what might be my favorite question ever “do you know why I pulled you over?” My brain started working overtime. Maybe he wanted to buy car seats in the backseat from me? Maybe he thought my suit was a bit “out of date?” Nope, apparently I was speeding. I have to admit, I may as well teleport my way to work because I often have no recollection of how I got there, so it’s totally possible he was correct. Then my second favorite question ever “do you know the speed limit on this road?” “Yes officer it’s 40 and I just don’t give a shit about what it says.” As much as I wanted to say that, I was on my best behavior and left with Officer Poncherello giving me a ticket for going 55+ in a 40 zone. He said “I’m doing you a favor here because I’m sure you were going faster, but this will allow you to go to traffic school.” “Um, thanks,” I said.
It would be so easy to just pay the damn fine and get it over with, but this whole thing has me fried. After doing a little bit of research, it appears Officer P forgot to indicate some things on my citation that he’s required by law to note. So, I’ve decided to fight this puppy. Will I win? Probably not. Will I feel better? Probably. Call it an exercise, call it a waste of time, call it what you want, but I have to know, does the system really work?
If the lovely Hahn at Home allows, I will update everyone on the progress as I’ve just returned from turning in my Trial By Declaration, basically explaining my side of the story.
Until then, look for me on the roadways. I’ll be the one in a suit, singing Neil Diamond and drinking a beer in plain site for all to see. And there’s not a DAMN thing you can do about it.
Published on: Nov 22, 2006
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