Day On The River: Lessons Learned

My guest blogger today is RB, a young and energetic woman who was raised in both the US and Paraguay, and was hired by my firm a few months ago.  She has brought a lot of life into the office, and it appears that this élan carries over into her personal life as well.  She thought being raised on the Amazon River would help her, but when twelve friends, two rafts, one kayak and a cumulative total of 2 and 1/2 oars made their way down the American River on one hot, sunny day in Sacramento, things happened she wasn’t prepared for.  This is her story:

Current mood:  amused

So today I floated down the river with a whole bunch of friends, it was the most hilarious time I've had in forever.  Not only was it extremely entertaining, but it was also educational. I learned several important things today:

#1. Oars are necessary.  They may seem optional, but after crashing into thorn bushes on the side of the river several hundred times, you realize that there is a reason everyone opts to take them along.

#2. Brand new pink razor phones and digital cameras + water = $$$$ down the river

#3. Frightened Vietnamese men will give you beer as a peace offering.  But attack with caution because they hold a grudge and always carry water guns.

#4. If Big Bertha offers to mud wrestle with you, it's best to say no, no matter how convincing she may be. When her opening line is, "I promise I'll stop after I pin you down!"... you know that's not promising.

#5. I am not Mexican.  No matter how brown I get from all the sun exposure, I still must use sunscreen on a 6 hour float.

#6. River water mixed with beer does not taste good.  It doesn't taste good on a sandwich or chips either.

#7. Bring a patch-it kit next time. When a raft gets a hole and deflates, it no longer floats. Which means it no longer moves. Being stranded in the middle of a river with what feels like a gazillion freezing cold girls is no easy task.  Actually, it's so tough they should make it one of the next "Survivor" tasks.  

#8. When your raft deflates, do not take up rides from strangers on the river. Even if your butt is raw from scraping on the rocks, your legs are numb from dragging the water, and you lost your sunglasses last time you tipped upside down on the rapid, don't river hitch-hike.  Women eating chicken in bikinis and men who haven't had an encounter with a razor in months should be feared.

#9. The stereotypes are true: most ethnic people can't swim. Yeah, they are swinging off the rope swing on the tree and floating on very small inner tubes in rapid waters, but that doesn't mean they thought to take a couple swimming lessons beforehand.

And finally, #10. When you have two deflated rafts, a tipped-over kayak, 2 and half oars, no food left, only one flip-flop, zero clothes, and you aren't sure where home is...you know you've had an absolutely FABULOUS day on the infamous American River of Sacramento.

 Published on: Jul 2, 2006