I'm Older And Have Better Insurance

Hours countdown has started until I will be basking at the foggy, cool beach in the central coastal region of California. I’ve lived out here six years now and have always wanted to get down that way, but time and circumstance precluded it before now.

 

I’m going to be 45 in two days. Kind of hard to believe considering it was just yesterday I was sneaking off to my first kegger, had finally figured out I could keep my Honor Roll status and still skip a few classes, made out with my first girl and first boy, and heard the neighbor saying under her breath to my father, “Do you think she’s experimenting…you know...sexually?”

 

When I think about all the absolutely stupid stuff I did between then and age 45, I can’t believe I’m still ticking. Too many close calls to remember, so many chances taken. Sometimes it’s terrifying to recall. But, then, what is life without taking those leaps, stepping outside the box, and opening yourself up to the new and the unexpected? Had I taken the cautious route, I would not have routinely leapt off cliffs several hundred feet above the ground and been the recipient of that stomach dropping high sensation, would never have traveled and lived overseas, I would have missed out on a lot of great sex (Mom, disregard this, I still don't have sex), would have been stuck in a Midwestern Hausfrau nightmare, and never had the chance to experience the great wonders that exist in the shape of people and places outside of that little box in Cedar Falls, Iowa.

 

I thank my mom for giving me that adventurous spirit and the ability to play it out from time to time. I also want to thank her for giving me Cedar Falls, Iowa, as a place to grow up. Sorry about the contractions and labor, hope you still think it was worth it!

 

Here are a few ”your getting older” tidbits my mom sent just today (gee, how nice is that?):

· You feel like the morning after when you haven't been anywhere the night before.
· You finally got your head together, now your body is falling apart.
· Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
· Many of your co-workers were born the same year that you got your last promotion.
· People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"
· There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
· Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
· You wake up, looking like your driver's license picture.
· Happy hour is a nap.
· You sing along with the elevator music.
· You are proud of your lawn mower.
· Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
· You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
· It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
· You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.

Mothers of Teenagers Know Why Animals Eat Their Young

~ Unknown

Published on: Jul 13, 2006