Road To Enlightenment

Best friends got your back, they adore you, they see your shortcomings, and thankfully, keep those to themselves.  My pal has been there through thick and thin and I think she got a little crazy here, but she's so very "California," a concept we Iowans don't entirely get all the time.

 

The Road to Enlightenment

Six years ago I met a really cool chic with the screen name BayChic99.  Little did I know that my kids would end up calling her Aunt Lori and I would be referring to her as Master Drill Sgt and Sensei. [Readers please refer to the Jimmy Hoffa blog]

Chris, the last guest blogger, calls Lori -- “Dr. Hahn” – she indeed is many things to many people.  For me:  Enchanting, brilliant, smart, funny, great Dart player and sometimes a wildly bad shot at pool (I think she lets me win from time to time or is it the Port?) and my best friend.

In the last few months – I have allowed her to be my strength. An anchor to my prevailing force of change.  A wonderful karmic center in my Universe.

Here are the lessons, I’ve learned:

Nothing works without Integrity.

A miracle is a shift in perception.

Change happens at peak emotional states.

There is no question that love is not the answer to.

For you bottom line people: just read the bold italicized words. If you’re bored already, don’t read any further…

My road in life has had many twists and turns. Whether I felt ashamed of my path or felt it just too “California” for Lori, I didn’t discuss my road to enlightenment. You can always take my friend Keith Freebern’s advice about the road to enlightenment – Best to not start…

I figured Lori to be far too skeptical and analytical for these confessions: I am a Reiki Master Teacher, a Certified Professional Psychic, Ghost Club Member who left her bra hanging from a street lamp in Old Sacramento (before the drinking began), X-File and Area 51 freak.  My worst regret during a trip to New Mexico at a recent real estate investment seminar was that I was unable to go to Roswell…It’s amazing how sometimes we are so private in one regard and completely open in another. 

I am stopped by my intellect.  I will sit around and analyze, theorize, rationalize and fart away my time.  In the past, the decisions, the choices I ended up with were made for me. If you ignore a phone bill, then the phone company disconnects the service and you have to pay a large deposit to keep the lines of communication open again.  If you don’t service and maintain your vehicle it will still run until the oil runs dry and the engine block develops a huge hole.

Perhaps that’s what happened to me and my life over the last 5 years.  Everything under the sun, all the life stresses came together for me in 2001.  I couldn’t have foreseen or changed most of those circumstances, but I held on to: inaction, indecision, resentment and I’m right- You’re wrong, feeling justified, the victim and vindicated.

This March through an exercise I did in Landmark’s Education’s Advanced Course, I found freedom in the release of a major resentment.  This allowed me to be vulnerable again. It was told to me yesterday –what I did is-- I forgive that person. That allowed me to be free of her.  Darn and I had thought I could still be mad at her!

In the past, as Super Mom only perfection and strength would do. Super Moms don’t cry, don’t make mistakes or feel inadequate.

I now understand that although being vulnerable is scary, it is completely intimate.  The fantastic thing is that by being vulnerable you gain freedom.  I’ve learned that there is strength in tears, resolve, conviction, honor and dignity in being true to your word.

This week I totally screwed up and acted in total opposition to the principles I hold dear.  I allowed myself to say Yes when I wanted to say NO.  Have you ever lied about something that was so stupid you didn’t even know why you were lying about it?

I was out of integrity – I knew I needed to clean it up but my co-dependent, people pleasing behaviors stopped me.  I did not want to hurt anyone’s feelings, yet I hurt everyone, myself included.

I was stopped.  I kicked myself, feeling like a complete and utter asshole, wanting to stop the pain inside of me.  I turned my anger inward, swore, was a grouch and unapproachable.  Rather than facing the issue – I ran away like a coward. Two days later I owned up to my transgression. 

There is always choice.

Past experiences had taught me to make the inappropriate decision that would please someone else.  I would not be selfish, make someone else happy.  I couldn’t be too straight or too honest with someone. I dare not hurt their feelings. Even if I was manipulated, tricked or what have you-- I knew I had no excuse for my not dealing with the issue immediately.

I know I made the wrong choice and I have a new plan of action.  I have a renewed commitment to be in integrity.  I will continue to clean up where I am inauthentic in my life…Euphemisms aside, let’s call a spade, a spade; where I am lying to myself or lying to someone else. In other words, I have a renewed commitment to be impeccable with my word.

Courage is having fear and in the face of it; doing it anyway.

We are Spiritual creatures in human bodies.  We have the adventure of Gods…We take on physical bodies and forget our spiritual nature and then excuse ourselves for being human. Funny how life really is.

There are many paths, many twists and turns for all of us. My path is of endless seminars (being the Seminar Slut that I am). However, I could have, on the other hand, chosen a completely different path (Lori’s path) and stayed home and learned the same thing.

Sensei Hahn,

“You say, I do… no questions…

Sensei Hahn, please take my bow. Thanks for the lessons you teach me by being exactly who you are.

Published on: Jul 14, 2006