Roxann Topping

Roxanne Topping was a 4^th grade girl who found herself outside the school one day, surrounded by a group of menacing female classmates. Those girls took her purse—she was odd anyway—no one carried a purse in 6^th grade in 1972; that was reserved for junior high girls. She always dressed so properly, had annoying red hair, and didn’t join in with the other girls in her class during recess, she just walked around the playground swinging that purse. They tossed her purse in the air from girl to girl as Roxanne Topping chased the purse, crying out that she needed to go home. This girl was just different, and for no other reason than that, six girls tormented her to tears.  Eventually, a teacher came out of the building, and the tormenters scurried away, leaving the weeping Roxanne to retrieve the articles fallen from her purse.

 

I could rationalize that girls of the 10-12-age range are just brutal. They say and do things to each other, even under the guise of friendship, that if done by adults would cause civilization to crumble. I’ve often wondered if Roxanne Topping remembers that day as clearly as I. Forever, or until I find her to say, “I’m sorry,” will I carry the cruelty I participated in with me. Nothing has changed in the 30-plus years since that event. I know this because now I have a 12-year-old daughter who has born the brunt of the same kind of cruelty because she’s “different.”

 

Being different is not so bad, but then I just wanted to fit in with the crowd, even though that was an effort doomed to failure. Are we not a world made up of unique individuals? The bland and the dynamic? The smart and the IQ-challenged? The kind and the cruel? Gay and Straight? Black and White? Working Class and Wealthy?

 

Sometimes, it is easy to stand by and watch those different from ourselves be treated with not only disrespect, but downright cruelty. There seems to be some kind of fear built into us that if we rise up and take a stand for doing the right thing, we will be rejected by our own community of the moment. And the irony would be, that “community” is the one not doing the right thing. How can we even rationalize wanting to be a part of such a group? Standing up to do the right thing will pain us less, regardless of the outcome, than standing by and doing nothing.

 

Roxanne Topping—if you ever read this, write to me. You changed my life.

Never for the sake of peace and quiet deny your convictions.
~ Dag Hammarskjold

It is important that people know what you stand for. It's equally important that they know what you won't stand for. ~ Mary Waldrop

 Published on: Mar 11, 2006