Budget, Schmudget

Picture this: Hahn at Home (HAH) needs to be on a conference call to bolster the boss with his bosses’ boss of our large corporation for a 2 pm meeting about the budget. The budget has been the last thing on my boss’ mind, and he’s out of town on business. HAH dials in to said call at the appointed time. In fact, everyone did except the Big Boss and the CFO, who had arranged the call. The various bosses at the various levels proceeded to talk amongst themselves on topics ranging from birth position in their family to one of the individuals’ penchant for calling other men, “Honey.” Pretty funny stuff. I had no idea this was the stuff of which top performing companies were made. Sure humanized them in my mind.

 

Anyway, about 20 minutes into the call, the poor fill-in assistant at the Big Boss’ office calls to say it’s going to be delayed 20 minutes. Then, another 20. By then, the dial-in number had expired. The assistant at the Middle Boss’ office set up a new call, only she made the tactical error of making Middle Boss the moderator. So, finally, we have all of us on the call to discuss the budget. Then, Middle Boss says she has to go to a client meeting. Only problem, as moderator, her hanging up caused all of to be disconnected, including her boss, the Big Boss. And, of course, the Assistants are nowhere to be found. Thinking quickly, despite the fact it’s past my 2 pm expiration date on live brain cells, I myself set up a call. A miracle of modern technology.

 

But, hey, want to hear the funny part? You know that budget I created over a month ago? Then changed because of mid-boss intervention and their false notion that they are clairvoyant? Yeah, that one. Well, seems the Big Boss has decided that it should be done a different way—the way we did it the first time (only she doesn’t know that, and I ain’t gonna tell her). If only my first boss from the Army could now see my honed diplomacy and tact skills that he could never instill, he’d have a coronary.

 

The suffering is almost over, and it appears as though we’re going to come out smelling like a rose…or at least not like 3-day old, unrefrigerated fish. I love bureaucracy.

 

The best way to deal with bureaucrats is with stealth and sudden violence.

~ Butros Butros-Gali

Published on: May 19, 2006