Denizens of 11th & J

There are so many people who intrigue me right in my own backyard. My friends at work and I have given some of them names. I work in an old, historic building in the heart of downtown. I have a view of the Capitol Building from one of the windows. I’ve seen Arnold Schwarzenegger a few times here and there and was first shocked by his stature. He’s really short. But, the thing that is really striking is that his skin is orange. Not a peachy orange, but more of an orange orange. It’s kinda scary. And he’s had a lot of work done. Scarier.

 

So, there are people that happen by my building regularly. The homeless guy who always asks me for a smoke, even though I never have one for him. The lady who works on 9 who always asks me to sign a petition before she hits the elevator. The Fedex girl who sneaks a little “sugar” from her girlfriend before she enters the building to go to work. Our maintenance guy, who is so funny and sweet with his Indian accent. The guy who pushes the button for “up” repeatedly. I said, “Dude, it doesn’t help the elevator come any quicker, and you’re likely to jam it.” We have the most notoriously slow and stall prone elevator in Sacramento. He says, “Yes…” with a wild look in his eyes, “Yes, it does it comes faster. It does.” Then he keeps pushing “3” all the way up. I call him “OCD boy.” He reminds me of Renfield from the 1931 Dracula with Bela Lugosi.

 

Then, there’s “Angry cell-phone talking girl.” She hasn’t learned to apply her makeup so that it doesn’t look like she’s a 1980s club babe. Thing is, she’s like 21 years old. She wears pink fur winter Midwestern boots and tight jeans, wears blue eye shadow and heavy black eyeliner—to work. She is always in the entry of the building smoking Marlboros and talking loud and angrily on her cell phone. We give reports as to the topics: “And, I told the landlord that it was tough sh#* my rent wasn’t on time, I’d pay it when I got it…so you GONNA GIVE ME $200 or what? Yeah, yeah, I know I haven’t paid you from last time, but I NEED it, k?”

 

But, the most intriguing of the lot is the woman who has become, “The Walker.” She walks by many times per day. I’m assuming she uses Lot D and works somewhere near the Capitol. She’s very tall, and full-figured in a good way. What is striking is the way she walks. The top and bottom halves of her body don’t seem to be in sync, she has this gait and this swing unlike any I’ve ever seen, and I’ve paid attention to many. I watch, jaw agape, each time she walks by. She wears heels and doesn’t seem comfortable in them, but even when she’s in flats, it’s the same thing. So, my buddy the VP and I were standing there one day and I got distracted from our conversation by the approach of “The Walker.” He’s like, “Hey, you there?” So, I explained my fascination with “The Walker.” He watched, he is like, “Whoa, you’re right…I can’t take my eyes off of her.” I’m like, “I know.” He’s demanded that I call him whatever he is doing should she be approaching so we can watch her do her thing. I can’t figure out if it’s attractive or repellant. She is fascinating. I figure I’ll have everyone in the office standing outside awaiting her arrival before too long. My VP bud and I have decided she has music going on in her head and she’s walking to the beat in a bad, white girl kind of way. She has no idea she has a fan club.

 

There are hundreds of stories in my little cowtown, and mine is but one. Next up, this interesting conversation I’ve been having with someone I have a feeling is even more fascinating than “The Walker”; a mystery, wrapped in an enigma.

 

The anticipation of discovering new possibilities becomes my greatest joy.
~ Jerry Uehlsmann

Published on: Mar 18, 2006