Stop Talking

KG, my witty workplace wiseacre had the fortune/misfortune of being the victim of the nouveau preppie boor--here is her oh so bitter story:

 

STOP TALKING!!!

After 3 weeks of various cancellations and flakiness, my friend C and I bit the bullet and went to cocktails with a mutual friend. Now, this woman is perfectly nice, but both C and I were dreading this little gathering for some reason that neither of us could put our fingers on…

After only a glass and a half of what was clearly not the happy hour chardonnay that C and I were sipping, said cocktail companion launched into a full-throttle A&E Biography. She raved about her new job, her new home, her new boyfriend…er boyfriends. She barely paused to order 3 or 4 more glasses of pinot noir and an appetizer that I’m quite sure was still alive on her plate. All the while, C and I interjected with the occasional, “Mhmm” and “Yeah, absolutely,” all while kicking each other under the table when the narcissism reached all time highs.

About an hour into the one person love-fest, a guy that I used to date appeared and pulled up a chair. Hooray! Someone to give me a small reprieve from “All About Me” hour. But alas, it was not to be. Apparently hell-bent on showing me that breaking up with him was my life’s greatest mistake, Mr. Former Date proceeded to proclaim the gloriousness of his business, his girlfriend and his last vacation for at least 20 minutes. I grew weary of my “Mhmm” interjection within the first five minutes of his soliloquy and started staring at the homeless guy in women’s shoes behind him. Only when his cell phone rang did he thankfully slink away.

Needless to say, the evening o’ self proclamation lasted for more than three hours, and both C and I were late to our next engagements. We also agreed never to meet any of these people again for drinks…at least without earplugs.

And to all of you “me-talkers” out there – save it for your mother. She has to care.

Published on: Jul 16, 2006