Report From The Commissioner

First off, let me just say, “What the hell was I thinking?” I placed three ads at three different personal ad locations. A friend recommended I modify my blog post (2/17/06), so I used it as ad copy for the first. My first observation was that the blog spot ad was a far-and-away winner. It was nothing like any other ad posted in “my geographically desirable area.” After about 24 hours posted, the responses started rolling in for the blog spot, or “BS” response. People were smiling, winking, writing, and hollering across the parking lot of potential dating bliss. Ad 2, the Quote Trap, or “QT” response got about four responses—one even told me I was “cute.” That’s still good to hear. Ad 3, the dreaded, usual, mundane, boring ad, or “DUMB” ad, elicited absolutely 0 responses. Matching criteria apparently means only that they live within 50 miles of me and and have a pulse.

 

The second observation came shortly thereafter: Many of these people are single for very good reasons. And, most of them post on all the available sites. So, while you may think your net is cast wide, it’s really stuck in the online version of Friday night at the one bar in town.

 

My favorite undesirable I’ll refer to as “BS1:” After a brief Instant Message session and an email, I suggested coffee. We never got there because within hours of “cyber meeting”, suddenly I had a devoted servant, writing/IMing me more than multiple times offering massages, cooking (jeez, why do these people have to be whacked?), and other passionate promises for which I had no interest. Coffee was canceled. My first stalker. Sigh.

 

My final observation: I did receive responses from some seemingly nice people. But, not a banterer in the experiment bunch. And, I guess, in my age group, people are pretty sure what they want/don’t want—looks, geography, job, pet or kid status, and suddenly you find the already limited pool has evaporated to just a few droplets of opportunity. Unfortunately, there were none with whom I’m very interested in joining for coffee, except the one I’ll be meeting at 10 am tomorrow at the local Starbucks—the one with four dogs and grandchildren. And, there is this pre-experiment person who continues to banter into my thoughts during the day, albeit in a long distance kind of way.

 

I asked the Magic 8 Ball to give me a sign—should I keep going with this effort? The answer is found above. It wasn’t specific as to when I could come back and ask, and since even the Magic 8 is as ambivalent as I, I think I’ll just hang loose for a while longer.

 

I’ve had lots of dates but I decided to stay home and dye my eyebrows.

~ Andy Warhol

Published on: Mar 25, 2006